


Keep Me in the Dark

by RacingHeart



Category: Political RPF
Genre: Affairs, Drama, F/M, Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Pregnancy, Romance, Scandal, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-11-13 15:09:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18034037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacingHeart/pseuds/RacingHeart
Summary: A Senator, the Vice President, and a Former President are all struggling to keep their latest scandals out of the media's reach and the eyes of the public. But with political pawns and favors being traded everywhere how long can they keep things under wrap? Could an intern save the day?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've taken some liberties with this one. Bill and Hillary divorced in 1999. She still became Senator from New York and is currently involved with a single John Kerry who is now VP. I deaged to their 40s. Chelsea lost some years too. And I'm bringing in Adam from Same Old Thing and Let me Love the Lonely. Because he's fun!

March 2001 

 

The White House lawn was packed. The press was literally everywhere. An assassination attempt on Al Gore, the forty-third President of the United States was all the entire world was talking about. He and New York Senator Hillary Rodham were giving a speech on healthcare reform when a rogue shooter got off three shots at their podium. Mass chaos ensured and the President was whisked away to Bethesda and Hillary was taken straight back to the White House and put on lockdown after seeing the staff physician.

Vice President John Kerry couldn’t move fast enough. The shock momentarily froze him in his place but the moment Hillary’s name was uttered she was all he could think about. Assurances that she was fine and that her senior security detail was with her did nothing to abate his worry. 

Long legs briskly carried him up the stairs to the residence and down the corridor to the Lincoln bedroom where he was told she was. Two Secret Service Agents immediately stepped out of the way letting him pass thru. “Hillary?” he called out, voice unsteady and weak. “Honey?”

Peter, her senior agent, came out of the bathroom holding her once beige coat and matching dress. “Sir…Mr. Vice Presi…she’s uh…” unshed tears flooded his eyes. “She needs you.”

“Thank you.” John nodded curtly and proceeded into the bathroom Peter had just exited. “Hillary?”

She was standing outside of the shower, watching as the spray of water pelted the tile on the floor below. Still clad in her slip, drying blood coating the some of the lace of the hem, she turned to face him. Hands red, face and neck and hair catching some of the blood splatter as well. 

“Oh my God, Hillary.” He approached her slowly. “Are you okay?” he asked, slowly and softly. His eyes darting over her, taking in every inch he could see. “You’re not hurt? Physically?”

She simply shook her head. “Al.” she sobbed. “Oh, John, there was so much…” she looked down at her shaking hands. “I don’t think he’s going to..”

“Shh.” He reached for her hands and steadied them in his. “He’s in the best possible hands right now. Things are different than when Kennedy was…” he stopped himself short of saying the word: assassination. “This is different.”

Hillary nodded and took a slightly uneven breath. “I know,” she sniffed. “I can’t...” she looked at the shower and then back at John. “I can’t…the blood…”

He cradled her face in his hands. “It’s okay, I’m here,” he assured her. “I’m right here, honey. Just tell me what you need.”

She squeezed her eyes closed, hot tears falling down her face. “I need to get…I need to get it off of me!” she cried in frustration. 

“I’ll help you,” he said, softly. “I’m here, you’re safe.”

Hillary knew he was right. She was safe with him. Maybe too safe. She slowly opened her eyes and looked up into his handsome face. “Okay,” she softly agreed. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he softly caressed her cheek with his thumb. “I love you. I love you so much. I’ve been going crazy with worry. Even though they told me you were okay, I couldn’t…I couldn’t believe it until I saw you with my own eyes.”

Hillary closed her eyes again and she melted against him. “I love you too.” And the sobs came again. Uncontrollable and bubbling out of her like a fountain. This had been her biggest fear when Bill was president. And now it had happened to Al. 

He wrapped her safely and securely in his arms. Wanting to take away everything that happened in the past three hours. He gently rubbed her back, soothing her even further. “I love you,” he told her, again. “Let me take care of you. Let’s get in the shower, get you cleaned up. and then we’ll get you something to help you sleep.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Are you ready?”

She nodded against him, a soft yes was whispered, and she broke their embrace. She wanted to wash it all away. The entire day. 

John carefully helped her undress and then undressed himself. He stepped into the warm water and held his hand out for her, guiding her inside with him. “I was so scared. They told me two people were hit during the speech and all I could think about was you. You don’t know how relieved I am. I mean, I hate that Al was shot and Evans, but I’m so relieved.”

The water began to cascade over her, hitting the darkened blood and turning it lighter as it mingled with the water and ran off her skin. Her stomach seesawed at the sight. John reached out to steady her. “Close your eyes,” he instructed, reaching for the soap and the washcloth. “I’ll wash you off.”

“It all happened so quickly, Johnny,” she said, closing her eyes. “Evans was hit and still managed to get me to safety.”

“He has my undying gratitude.” Ever so carefully he began to wash her. Comfortable silence lingered between them and the thudding in his heart began to slow. She was safe and physically unharmed. And for that he would forever be grateful. “You have no idea how guilty I feel.”

Hillary opened her eyes to look up at him. “Guilty? Why?”

“Our plans got rearranged. You just got home yesterday, and I didn’t even get to see you before you left for the speech this morning. We barely got any time together last night because we had to be on the Senate floor thanks to the GOP grandstanding.” He exhaled, heavily. “I feel like we haven’t been able to spend any time together recently.”

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. You’re the Vice President of the United States of America and I’m a Senator. Something is always going to come up.”

“That doesn’t make it right.”

“But it’s a damn good reason,” she assured him. “And you’re here now and really that’s all that matters. You’re always here when I need you.” John was good for her. He was kind and faithful. A gentle lover. He loved her. And she loved him too. Just not as much as she thought he deserved. 

“And I always will be.” He reached for the shampoo bottle and poured some into his hand. “I want you to lie down and rest.”

“I’m so worried about Al and about Tipper. Their kids.” 

He began to work a lather into her blonde tresses. “I know you are, I am too, but you need to take care of yourself as well.”

“I know.” she agreed. “Peter said he would let me know the updates as he received them. I promised Chelsea I would call her back as soon as I could. She was so scared.”

“I talked to Bill on my way here.” he told her. “He said that she was still shaken, but she was much calmer now. We both agreed that she should stay with him for right now because of the press. As soon as it lifts a little we’ll get her in here.”

Hillary leaned back into the warm water to rinse her hair. “As much as I want her here with me this is no situation for a sixteen year old girl. She’s safer with Bill and his security detail.”

“She understands that.” he reached for the conditioner. “Right now, we’re all on the same page, you need to be taken care of.”

“I can’t relax here, John,” she told him. The White House residence still made her uneasy. Everything that happened always had a way of rushing back to her every time she stepped foot inside. “Can’t I go home?”

He gave her a sympathetic smile. “How does Camp David sound? Would you be more comfortable there?”

Hillary mulled it over. Memories of Bill persisted there too, but good ones. Good ones she could handle. And she would take all the good she could get right now. Past or present. “Yes,” she answered softly. 

“I’ll make the arrangements,” he told her. “Perhaps Adam could go with you.”

“I would like that.”

 

tbc…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone in my house has been sick at least 3 times in the past two months :/ But onward with the story! I want it to be super soapy!

The ride to Camp David was a quiet one. Adam wouldn’t be able to join her until the following day. She had assured John that she would be fine on her own, that she needed some alone time to gather her thoughts. And that was incredibly dangerous territory.

 

When she arrived, Peter escorted her inside and helped her to settle in. He was reluctant to leave her, but she insisted. The White House physician had given her something to help her sleep and that was exactly what she had intended to do. Just as she was finishing up unpacking her things there was a knock at the door. “Honestly, Peter…” she opened the door. “I’m fi…Bill?” He was the very last person she expected to see.

 

He quickly enveloped her into a tight hug. His warmth soaked though her, right down to the very core of her being and she couldn’t help but close her eyes and melt into his embrace. After a few moments, reality overcame them both and they pulled apart. Awkwardness filled the air and words seemed to fail them.

 

There was still so much hurt between them. Wounds were never properly cleansed, just quickly stitched up, and threatened to burst open every time they were near each other. He had absolutely humiliated her. And had done so time and time again but never like his last indiscretion. On such a worldwide level. Something Hillary didn’t think she could ever forgive.

 

Some said he deserved what he got. That it was absolutely justified for the way he had treated her on and off for years. Telling her how very much he loved her and needed her but then for whatever reason failed to remain faithful. But catching her with John Kerry? That was a deep wound. The image of his wife with someone else would always be burnt into his memory.

 

“You alright?” he finally asked.

 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “A little shaken but I’m okay.”

 

“Chelsea was worried,” he told her. “I know she’s not going to be able to sleep until she sees you.”

 

“Thank you for bringing her.”

 

He shrugged. “I would do anything for Chelsea.”

 

“I know you would.” Despite their flaws they were committed parents.

 

There was that awkwardness again. Neither one of them knowing how to fix it, much less avoid it. Hillary often wondered if it would fade with time or if it would always be there. Taunting them. Haunting them.

 

“I wanted to see how you were before Chelsea came up,” he explained. “Make sure you were up for it.”

 

“Of course,” she replied. “I’m much better now than a few hours ago. John was a great…” she let her words fall away.

 

“I bet so.” He didn’t mean it as bitterly as it sounded. Because if Kerry could provide her comfort after what she had gone through that was all that mattered. Hillary’s safety was all that ever mattered. “Is he coming here?”

 

“No.” she quickly answered. “He’s on lockdown at the White House. But I couldn’t…I didn’t want to be there. Adam is going to join me tomorrow.”

 

“Adam.” he repeated. He wasn’t much on her personal assistant. Or rather Adam wasn’t much on him. “So, you’re going to be alone tonight?”

 

“I’m never alone. Not entirely,” she said, referring to the secret service. “Peter is here. I’m safe. I feel safe.”

 

He nodded. “I’m going to stay.” “What?” she asked. “No, Bill, you don’t have to do that.”

 

“They’ve not caught the shooter yet,” he reasoned. “I think we’re the safest here. Chelsea too.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” she agreed. “We are.”

 

“I’m going back down to let Hank know I’m staying, and I’ll send Chelsea on up.”

 

She watched as he retreated from her bedroom doorway. “Thank you, Bill.”

 

/////

 

Hillary sat curled up in the oversize chair and watched as Chelsea slept. Her little girl wasn’t such a little girl anymore. She was growing up, blossoming into a lovely young lady. College was just around the corner. And the thought of letting go absolutely crushed her. As much as she wanted her daughter to be strong and independent, she was sure she would never be completely ready to let her fly.

 

She smiled as she remembered how excited she was the afternoon she found out she was pregnant. How excited they were. The smile on Bill’s face was forever etched into her mind. Chelsea had been the center of her universe since the moment she found out about her. Sleep was eluding her. Her mind was still running a million miles a minute.

 

She pushed herself up out of the chair, went over and placed a kiss on her daughter’s forehead, and then made her way out of the bedroom toward the living room.

 

Bill was standing at the wet bar refreshing his drink. “Can’t sleep?”

 

“No.” she said, plopping down into the oversized sofa.

 

He pointed to the stocked bar. “What can I get you?”

 

“Vodka.”

 

“Well that should knock you out.” He unscrewed the cap and poured some into a tumbler for her. “Chelsea asleep?”

 

“For the past hour.”

 

Bill picked up the two drinks and walked toward her. “Here,” he extended his hand. “Did you take anything?”

 

“Thank you,” she replied. “I did. Didn’t help.”

 

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked, sitting down beside her. “Might help.”

 

Hillary took a sip, letting the warmth of the vodka warm her throat. “I don’t know,” she sighed. “It all happened so fast, I’m not even sure what I actually remember.”

 

“What do you remember?”

 

“Blood,” she said, closing her eyes. “So much blood. He didn’t even make any sound. Not that I heard, anyway. Shots rang out and we ducked, Evans and Butler were on top of us. Al’s face went completely blank, I don’t think he realized what was happening,” she recalled. “I remember looking down and seeing blood on my dress, I remember pushing my hands against his wound, trying to stop the bleeding…I remember Evans asking repeatedly if I had been hit…” tears started streaming down her face. “He whisked me to safety and once I was in the SUV agents were all over me, pulling at my dress.” She opened her eyes, blinking away tears. “I wasn’t even sure if I had been shot.”

 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “You’re safe now.”

 

“Am I?” she used her fingertips to swipe at her tears.

 

Bill sat his drink down on the table. “They’ll get him, Hillary. They will,” he assured her.

 

“You’re safe here. I’ve made sure of it.” She took a long swig of her liquor. “I’m not safe from my thoughts though. And that’s the worst of it all.”

 

He knew he was a big part of that insecurity. Of her delving into her thoughts and staying in the deepest darkest ones. “I’m sorry,” he found himself apologizing, yet again. “Is there anything I can do?”

 

Hillary shook her head. “Not unless you can start the day completely over.”

 

“I wish I could,” he sighed. “For you and for Al. For everyone involved.”

 

“Have you heard anymore about Al?”

 

He shook his head. “He’s still in surgery.”

 

“It’s been hours.”

 

“Over eight.” Silence fell between them. Things between Bill and Al had grown cold after the fallout from the scandal. Not that they were ever really that close. But Al chose to distance himself from Bill. Thought it would be better not only for the Democrats but some swing voters as well. Turns out it paid off. He won by the skin of his teeth, but he still won.

 

“I didn’t sign up for this,” she whispered. “I just wanted to be Senator from New York. Blaze my own path. For me and for all the little girls out there.”

 

“You are blazing your own path, you always have.”

 

“It’s different now,” she told him. “I’m on my own.”

 

“You have Kerry.” Hillary scoffed. “Do I?” she asked. “God forbid something happens to Al…John becomes President. And I can’t do that again. I cannot give up everything I have worked so hard for. I fought hard to win the Senate race and I want to keep my position. I can do so much good, I know I can.”

 

“Of course you can.”

 

She finished off her drink. “John will want a wife. A First Lady. And I can’t do it. I just can’t”, she confessed. “But I don’t want to hurt him either. I can’t hurt John. He’s been so good to me, Bill. We’re screwed as it is if the press ever finds out about us. It’s bad enough now that I’m Senator and he’s VP, but if he were President? The Republican’s would have a field day!”

 

Bill placed her empty glass on the table and took both her hands in his. “Hillary, you need to slow down,” he advised. “Just take a few deep breaths. Come on now, deep breath in,” he waited. “Come on,” he watched as she drew in a breath. “Good, now exhale.” He walked her through the steps several more times until he could tell by her features that she was starting to relax.

 

She gently squeezed his hands. “Thank you.”

 

His thumbs gently stroked the backs of her palms. “Anytime.”

 

Hillary suddenly realized how intimate the moment was between them. How it wasn’t awkward. It was comforting and stirred something in her she thought was long dead. At least something that should have been long dead. A lingering desire to bury herself down into him and stay until the darkness had lifted. He had calmed her down even quicker than John did earlier in the afternoon. And suddenly it all felt so wrong. Being there with Bill at Camp David, with Chelsea sleeping upstairs, it felt oddly familiar and yet uncomfortably so at the same time.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked, bringing her out of her thoughts.

 

“Yes,” she answered, immediately taking her hands out of his as though she was burned by his touch. “I just lost my footing for a moment.” Hillary was quickly on her feet. “Thank you for the drink, Bill.”

 

He looked up at her, confusing playing on his face. “Hillary,” he breathed out. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” she bit out. “I really need to get some rest.”

 

Bill nodded. “Of course.” He got to his feet. “Do you want me to walk you upstairs?”

 

“No!” she almost shouted. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “I mean, thank you, but I can manage.”

 

He eyed her cautiously. “Okay,” he agreed. “Goodnight, Hillary.”

 

“Night, Bill.”

 

He watched as she quickly retreated up the stairs. He picked up his glass and finished down his liquor. He knew better to get too close to her like that. To think that they could repair any part of their relationship. There would always be too much baggage. But sitting there with her, just the two of them, it felt right even if just for a fleeting moment. Then he remembered how badly he had fucked up with the intern. How he had humiliated her. How badly he had broken her.

 

He found himself at the bar pouring himself another drink and gulping it down. He would not have this pity party. Not when Hillary had hurt him so badly in return.

 

_January 1999_

 

_“Hillary?!” Bill stormed through the residence, hoping to find his wife. “Are you up here?”_

 

_She took her time appearing from the master bedroom. “What do you need, Bill?” She could see that he was angry. The shade of red on his face told her as much._

 

_“You abandoned your project!” he bellowed. “What kind of example does this set for the rest of your staff?”_

 

_Hillary took a deep breath and crossed her arms over her chest. “I did not abandon my project. I found someone to replace me and I stepped aside.”_

 

_Bill stood seething in his spot. “Is that why you’re so worked up?” she asked. “Because I delegated some tasks and handed others off?”_

 

_“Yes!” he yelled._

 

_“Mmm.” she sighed. “You’re lying.”_

 

_Silence hung between them for several moments. And then finally he calmed his inner thoughts down enough to speak. “Is it true?”_

 

_“Is what true?”_

 

_“You know.” He insinuated._

 

_She shrugged. “Really, Bill, I don’t. You’re being incredibly vague.” And when she was met with silence again, she turned to leave the room._

 

_“Kerry.” he uttered just above a whisper._

 

_“I’m sorry?” she turned to face him again._

 

_“Is it true that you’re dating John Kerry?”_

 

_“Dating?” she pretended to ponder the word over in her head before answering. “No, I’m not dating John.”_

 

_Bill released a heavy breath. His whole body relaxing. She had filed for divorce, it was even pending but he doubted she could ever sign the papers to sever their tie. She would come around he knew she would._

 

The breaking of glass reverberated throughout the room. It wasn’t until many moments later that Bill realized that he had broken the tumbler in his hand. He looked down to find broken shards of glass and blood, but nothing compared to the pain of catching Hillary and Kerry together.

 

The rumors had only continued to grow, flourished really. But Hillary had assured him that there was nothing going on between her and the junior Senator from Massachusetts. And stupidly he had believed her.

 

_March 1999_

 

_He heard voices coming from her closed office door. Shushed laughter and whispering. Her staff had scattered about the moment they saw the President coming. His large hand closed around the knob of her office door, the voices only becoming louder. And then he heard it. A soft moan. The kind of moan where her eyes fall closed and her head lulls back._

 

_The lump in his throat was choking him. He turned the knob and pushed the door open. His breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t have moved if he wanted to. John’s hand was buried in her hair, holding her to him as his mouth devoured hers, and Hillary’s lips willingly met his over and over and over again._

 

_And then it hit Bill exactly what was going on in front of him. The disheveled clothes. The labored breathing, stifled moans, and hushed words reverberating between their lips. Her white knuckling the back of the chair as her hips rolled against Kerry’s. His hand gripped her hip helping to guide her back and forth on his lap._

 

_His wife was fucking the junior Senator from Massachusetts. He had caught them in the act. There was no way either one of them could deny it. A strangled sob tore from Bill’s throat and both of the guilty party’s heads snapped upward. He watched in horror as they quickly and clumsily broke apart and fumbled to make themselves somewhat presentable._

 

_Bill couldn’t take his eyes off Hillary. Her lips were red and swollen, her hair a mess. She tugged her skirt back down into place and hurriedly did up the buttons on her blouse, trying to cover herself up like he didn’t know every dip and curve of her body. Like the image of her naked wasn’t etched into his mind for all of eternity._

 

_Excuses and apologies sprang forth from her like a fountain. And he didn’t give a damn about any of them. He backed out of the room and pulled the door closed. As he made his way out of the East Wing he would hear the sound of her voice calling after him. But he didn’t care. The damage had already been done. He doubted he could ever look at her again without seeing her writhing on top of John Kerry._

 

_Their marriage was over._

 

No, that time in their lives was over. There would never be a Bill and Hillary 2.0. The only thing left between them was their daughter. And he needed to remember that.

 

Tbc…


End file.
